In The Pants Of A Ranger
by BoxOfScraps
Summary: Wait...that's not how it goes, is it...


"Yeah man, this is it!" A man in raggedy street clothes said as he exited his car, heading towards an alley.

Another man joined him as they walked down towards the alley, also in the same kind o clothes. "Oh yeah, biggest drug trade ever, bro. We're talking more than a thousand bucks...like _a hundred!_"

"...I think a hundred's less than a thousand."

"Oh yeah..."

The two continued down the alley and eventually reached the end where a man was waiting for them, holding a suitcase. "You're late."

"Oh, pardon us, I had to take a dump and it was bigger than I expected. Like I crapped out a baby!" The first man said.

"Lovely." The man tossed the suitcase at the two idiots and immediately held out his hand. The second guy shook his hand. "No you buffoon, my payment."

"OH!" Idiot number two started to pull out a check, but suddenly the drug lord in front of them froze in fear. "What? You gotta monster poop on the way too?"

The drug trafficker pointed behind him and started to try to climb up the brick wall. The two morons turned and was faced with a shadow of man in a cowboy hat.

"OH CRAP!" The two idiots attempted to run away, but ran into each other and knocked themselves out.

The lights in the alley turned on suddenly and Iron Man stood there in a cowboy hat...for whatever reason. He tossed it away and blasted the man trying to escape. "I am Iron Man, and no drugs for you...it's all mine." He walked around and went to pick up the suitcase, but a foot stepped on it before he could pick it up. "You just messed with the wrong person, dick. You-" Iron Man looked up and froze in fear. "C-Chuck Norris?"

And there stood Walker Texas Ranger, posing manly in the alley. "Yes and no, friend. You see, that may be who portrays me, but that's not who I am. Also, behold."

"Behold what?" Iron Man felt a slight movement in his hands and he looked down to see a ferret instead of a suitcase. "HOLY SHIT!" Tony jumped away and trembled in fear...two of his worst nightmares in one place: Ferrets and Chuck Norris. "How did you do that?"

"Easy." Walker/Chuck stepped closer and prepared to attack. "I'm Chuck fuckin' Norris."

"...You just said you weren't him." Iron Man quietly said.

"I am what I want to be, just like that suitcase. Now, prepare to be Norri-fied." Chuck/Walker prepared to roundhouse kick Iron Man, thereby doing what no other fandom character has done the last 100 days. But some applause from the distance caught him off guard, and in mid kick.

Iron Man and Chuck looked back to see...Batman standing in the alley, clapping. "Oh, no, don't mind me, I'm just stopping by to watch Iron Pussy get his ass kicked. Go on." Batman had a leg cast on his right leg, and an arm cast on his left, obviously still injured. "I was told this was going down by that old man in the bar...right after I kicked his ass for littering."

"C.D?" Chuck muttered. "You...hurt my friend?" He lowered his leg and started to walk towards Batman.

Iron Man followed suit. "You hurt an old dude who sold me liquor earlier? Uncool man, wrong, wrong!"

"Um...okay, wait, this is a misunderstanding." Batman said, nervously laughing all the meanwhile. "I may not have kicked his ass! I might have just...accidentally knocked him to the ground, accidentally broken his leg, and managed to render him unconscious, so what?" Batman backed into something before he escaped, and he turned around to see Chuck Norris. He turned back around to see Iron Man...and Chuck Norris. "What the hell is happening?"

"It's Chuck time."

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Batman to Iron Man, who promptly tossed him into the air and blasted Batman into the distance.

"Looks like Batman is blasting off agaaaaaiiiiinnnnn..." Batman shouted as he flew into the sky, and then disappeared with a twinkle in it.

Iron Man slowly approached Chuck or Walker or whatever he is and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Um...perhaps we got off on a bad note. You're awesome, and I'm...well, you know." He posed quickly and then remembered what he was doing. He held out his hand for a handshake. To which Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him towards the brick wall. "Point taken...ow..."

Chuck Norris/Walker Texas Ranger turned to the camera and gave a thumbs up. "I am Chuck Norris, Walker Texas Ranger, and ferrets are our friends." He smiled and a ferret randomly fell into his arms. "Have a nice day." He tossed it away and walked off into the sunset.

Iron Man groaned and his eyes lit up again. "Fuckin' Chuck Norris." He slowly started to peel off the brick wall...and then fell to the ground. "Ow."


End file.
